So come and skate with me…

Hey everyone,
As the class comes to an end, I feel like I owe, to some degree, an explanation. Personally, and I say this only because I feel like there was something I meant to get across that didn’t quite make it’s way across the bridge.

What I want to get across to everyone is why Lupe Fiasco means so much to me.

If you are actually reading this after that last line, I thank you for not riding this off as “I’m going to swoon over Lupe Fiasco for a blog post”. Lupe Fiasco holds a lot of personal meaning to me, especially with the song “Kick Push”. I felt like, although I knew what it was that I wanted to say, I didn’t adequately convey it during my presentation.

Throughout my Life, growing in an area as diverse as Northern Virginia, I was always around many different groups of people. The friends I made as a child were of all different backgrounds. Because of this, I was influenced by many things, Not just my own culture, and as a result, I didn’t become the typical african american male. I was always fine with this, until one day someone slapped a nasty label on me “white”. It became obvious to me now that there were certain things that just weren’t acceptable in the black community, and “betraying your roots” was one of them.

From that point on, Life became a struggle of balancing identities. there was a part of me that liked all the popular music on BET, I mean, that stuff sounds cool and makes you want to move. But, I liked art; expression was something that I liked. The rappers in the media might make a lot of money, but at the end of the day, what did it all mean? and it didn’t end with music, clothes, sports, language…the antagonism never really ended.

But the worse part of it all, was that it never seemed enough. I could do talk one way and dress the same way, but at my core, I was still a nerd! Video games were always cool. Science fiction movies, couldn’t get enough. Even, dare I say it, school! Learning about things, thinking deeply about the world, that was (the borrow a Lupeism) my cool. but it wasn’t neccessarily a black one.

what made things even more complicated was maintaining the dichotomy. Carrying a binder full of school supplies and a copy of the Hobbit while wearing was baggy jeans and timberlands was just not something you saw a lot. and vice versa, although more tolerant, playing Diablo II and listening to Nas made some eyes bug out. But by far, the worse was in class. surrounded by the prep school preteens, in the classrooms for the enriched, with girls who flipped hair and lifted noses before looking me in the eye, and ignorant guys who always asked me if I was “thuggin’ it” or “keepin’ it real”, but nobody who I could really call a friend, middle school was rough. I spent a decent amount of time just questioning everything. I was in advanced classes, scoring high on tests, but ranked with the most uninteresting people around. I spent a lot of time just trying to find somewhere to be, somewhere that would just be fine with what I was, and all that I was.

It wasn’t for a while that I found others who were in my position, and sometimes it wasn’t the same situation, but parallel ones. It took a long time, and there were a lot of hard falls( identity issues make dating a nightmare for anybody who doesn’t know). but one day, I just realized it all. It didn’t really have one culminating moment, it just came about overtime. It didn’t really make sense, but nothing did. It didn’t make sense that people gave themselves up to be cool. it didn’t make sense that no matter what happened in somebody’s eyes I wasn’t cool. but what did matter, at the end of it all, was that I thought I was cool. because at the end of the day, that was the only one i had to live with.

and so I became me, the poet, video game player, philosophizing, fantasy lovin’ me. I became vocal when I wanted to, hung out with whoever I wanted. I listened to what I wanted to, wore what I liked, played the games I thought were interesting. I still met opposition, from those militant few who just couldnt handle something that didn’t understand,and i still do, but I pressed on “Just a rebel in the world with no place to go.”

by no means do I think my scenario is special. This is something that a lot of people face. This is the interpretation I draw from Kick Push. just like skateboarders, people who don’t fit into society’s categories are met with hostiliy. Simply put they are just looking for a place to be. This why I love Kick Push so much. It, to me, is the anthem of the individual, the one who is willing to go against the grain, and be themselves.

Sorry to ramble, just had to let my feelings known.

3 Responses to “So come and skate with me…”

  1. […] Original post by LoneEagle […]

  2. You’re on a roll. These last few blog posts have just been extraordinary. Keep it up. I’ll be reading, all the way from Texas.

    Vaya con Dios, amigo.

  3. I really like this post, Terrell (I really hope I spelled that correctly). I’m glad I met you, I really enjoyed all of your contributions. Before you did your presentation on Lupe Fiasco, I wrote him off as one of the artists who were like those in the media today-obsessed with material obsessions and with the violence which I’ve associated with many other rappers-but you show me that there is more to him than that. So I’ve become more open-minded about music and have decided not to write off an entire genre as a lost cause. I also just thought I should say that everything you said in class was…pretty impressive. I really enjoyed listening to you speak because you always had something really important and insightful to say. I’m glad I had the opportunity to share a classroom with you.